Past Reflections

Find past weekly reflections by date

June 21, 2009 - INFIDELITY: SEXUAL AND OTHERWISE

by Father Edward L. Beck, C.P.

The TV World has been transfixed lately by the travails of Jon and Kate Gosselin. Rumors of marital infidelity have caused the ratings of their reality show to go through the roof. Last week a married couple that I know began to see their relationship unravel as well. Well actually it’s probably been in trouble for some time, but sexual infidelity proved the crippling blow. Of course, unfortunately, this is not uncommon. A lot of people cheat on their spouses or significant others. I hear a lot of confessions. So I know. But what I don’t know is why it’s so prevalent. Yes, in most long term relationships the sexual excitement begins to wane and the itch to look elsewhere yearns to be scratched. Some resist it. But many don’t. And I know the arguments that for guys it’s just about more sex and for women it’s about a lack of intimacy and connection. But I don’t know. I think it’s about the same thing for most of us. We’re all really insecure and want to be loved back. We want to be the center of someone else’s world. And when it appears as though the intensity of love and desire is waning in a relationship, we begin to look elsewhere to ignite other flames. We want to be important and wanted. But isn't it all actually very self-serving and based on a lot of insecurity and need? In our quest to satisfy our needs or wants and assuage our fragile self-images, we hurt people whom we love. We forget about the demands of commitment and self-sacrifice because they’re simply not as sexy. We’re afraid of our limitations and maybe even of our deaths. So we act recklessly as though we’re invincible and maybe even going to live forever. We convince ourselves that our indiscretions don’t really matter. They don’t really hurt my relationship. But in fact, they do. We really can’t have it all. Or them all. When we walk through certain doors, other ones close. And it’s usually best we leave them that way.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH FATHER BECK GIVE THE ABOVE COMMENTARY: http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=7884927